A few funny things.. Here and there...

Okay, this comes right out of a joke site.. www.fukkad.com ... Yes, pathetic as it sounds, it is quite hilarious :D
So cheers to laughter :)

Classic things to say when stressed!
1. "Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you!!!"
2. "You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing?!"
3. "How many times do I have to flush before you go away?"
4. "Well this day was a total waste of make-up"
5. "Well aren't we a bloody ray of sunshine?"
6. "Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after."
7. "Do I look like a fucking people person!"
8. "This isn't an office. It's HELL with fluorescent lighting"
9. "I started out with nothing still have most of it left"
10. "I pretend to work, they pretend to pay me"
11. "YOU!!... off my planet!!!"
12. "Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble plastic is cheap. You choose"
13. "Practice random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control"
14. "Errors have been made. Others will be blamed"
15. "And your cry-baby, whiny-assed opinion would be.....?"
16. "I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years."
17. "Sarcasm is just one more service I offer."
18. "Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed"
19. "Do they ever shut up on your planet?"
20. "I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable"
21. "Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet"
22. "Back off!! You're standing in my aura."
23. "Don't worry. I forgot your name too."
24. "I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?"
25. "I work 45 hours a week to be this poor."
26. "Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it."
27. "Not all men are annoying. Some are dead."
28. "Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality"
29. "Chaos, panic and disorder . . . my work here is done."
30. "Ambivalent? Well yes and no."
31. "You look like shit. Is that the style now?"
32. "Earth is full. Go home."
33. "Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?"
34. "I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert."
35. "A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth."
36. "You are depriving some village of an idiot."
37. "If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport."


Fruitful Confession !
Sean goes to confession and says to the priest, "Bless me father, for I have sinned. It's been three weeks since my last confession, and in that time I have committed the sin of adultery."
"Who was it with?" the priest asks, "Was it Brigitte O'Hara?"
Sean says, "I'm sorry Father, but I can't tell you who it was with."
The priest says, "I'll bet it was with that hussy, Mary O'Houlihan!"
Sean says, "I'm sorry Father, but I really can't tell you who it was."
The priest says, "Was it that Rose O'Connell?"
Sean responds, "I've told you already Father, I can't reveal who it was."
"You're a wicked man Sean O'Reilly," the priest says. "Say six Hail Marys and don't let me hear that you've transgressed again!"
As he is walking home, Sean bumps into his friend Seamus. "Sean!" he says, "How are you doin'? Is it the Church you'll be coming from?"
Sean says, "Aye Seamus, I've just been to confession."
"How was it?" Seamus asks.
"Oh, not too bad," Sean answers. "I got six Hail Marys and three good leads!"


Indian shoots Buffalo in Bar!
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other.
He says to the waiter: "Want coffee."
The waiter says, "Sure, Chief. Coming right up."
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.
The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns.
He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Want coffee."
The waiter says "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"
The Indian smiles and proudly says..
"Training for position in United States Congress:
Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull,
leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day."


Yes, I still find 'em funny.. So fuck you :)
Cheers xx